There’s a Hunger Inside Me…And a Walgreen’s Hand Basket in My Car

I turn into Joe Pesci and don't know what I'm doing when I'm hungry.

As I listen to one of my favorite movies playing from YouTube in the background, I write this post. With that, let me tell you about my evening browsing the aisles of my local Walgreen’s.

They Walk. They Talk. They Kill.

Every now and again I get this wave of ferocious hunger that comes over me; profuse sweating, weakness, overheating, shaking, irritability, and no self control when it comes to food items that have not yet been paid for. Last night, it happened. When these waves of emotions start to come over me, I head to the aisle that never lets me down; the candy aisle. With my hand basket on my arm, I was feeling confident that my selection would satiate my craving. Things that wouldn’t normally end up in my basket did. For instance, Peeps. Peeps? I HATE Peeps, but hell, they look good enough to maul once I reach the safety of my car. And cake batter flavored?! Forget it!

“Chocolate covered cherries?! YEAH!” In the basket they go.

“Blueberry licorice?! YEAH!” In the basket it goes.

Among other various snacks and confections, my wave of the Joe Pesci’s was becoming overwhelming. I decided that I must head to checkout. While waiting for the woman in front of me, the need came over me to unzip the top of my licorice and start gorging right there. Catching the side-eye of the cashier, I snuck one more piece and resealed the bag. I piled my items on the counter and watched as the line behind me started to grow.

“Well, you can tell I’m hungry,” I snickered, trying to make light of my situation. The cashier wasn’t amused.

I paid and hurriedly grabbed my treats. I clamored into my car, but not before realizing that something crashed against my car and I couldn’t get my arm in. Ugh. The hand basket. Too hungry and too weak, I just threw it in my car. Now I’m stuck with a hand basket in my car and the need for an extra trip today to return said basket.

With that, I give you the recipe for a much more successful evening than I had…

Crockpot Tom Yum Soup

  • 2 tbsps red curry paste
  • 2 12 ounce cans of coconut milk
  • 2 cups chicken stock
  • 2 tbsps fish sauce
  • 2 tbsps brown sugar
  • 2 tbsps peanut butter
  • 1½ pounds chicken breasts, cut into 1½ inch pieces
  • 1 red bell pepper, seeded and sliced into ¼ inch slices
  • 1 onion, thinly sliced
  • 2 heaping tbsps fresh ginger, minced
  • 4 limes
  • 1 package of lettuce wrap powder mix
  • 6 tbsps of white vinegar
  • 1 bunch of cilantro, coursely chopped
  • 1/4 cup plus 2 tbsps lime ponzu
  • 1 container of sliced button mushrooms
  • ½ cup of water

Roughly 1-2 hours before you pile your delicious ingredients into your crockpot, take your sliced chicken breast and throw it into a giant baggie to marinate.

Chicken Marinade

In large baggie, throw your chicken into the baggie with 1 tablespoon of ginger, your package of lettuce wrap mix, 4 tablespoons of vinegar, quarter cup of ponzu, the juice of two limes, and half a cup of water. Let sit for 1-2 hours.

Yumtown, USA Soup

In your crockpot, throw the remaining ingredients minus some cilantro for a fabulous garnish. While those babies are in there melding together, take your chicken out and heat up a pan using a tablespoon of olive oil or cooking spray. Throw the chicken in the pan and let it brown, pretty much cooking all the way through. Once cooked, add it to your crockpot and leave it alone for 3 hours.

3 hours later, remove the lid and gorge. It’s delicious.

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Marijuana Isn’t Legal Yet, But We Can Still Make Dessert

Sometimes things happen to me that inspire my inner monologue to start working like a rusted hamster wheel. One afternoon about a month ago, my inner monologue managed to make me burst out laughing. Luckily though, I was in my car. You see, I get in the habit of looking at people while they are driving. Not to judge, of course, but to make sure no one is watching me put on a killer rap concert for myself in my car. This is also how I caught a man knuckle-deep up his nose one day…he slowed down when he realized he was spotted, but I slowed down too to let him know that I thought it was funny because, why not?

Anyway, as I bust out my wicked sweet beats in my Ford Focus, I checked the car next to me to be sure they weren’t taking in a concert for free. This time, the joke was on me. This guy must have been auditioning for a new Cheech and Chong movie because he was DEFINITELY smoking a joint while driving. For once, I was silenced by what I had just seen. I mean, here I was worried that someone would see me dropping serious beats, meanwhile I’ve got an older man partaking in some earthly wares in the car next to me. Is this legal? Not here. Then I continued to fist pump and rock out because, well, this was the best part of the song.

This leads me to give up an easy recipe for a weedless cherry cobbler.

Weedless Crockpot Cherry Cobbler

So Good It’s Illegal?

1 box of vanilla cake mix (funfetti if you’re feeling festive)

1-2 cans of cherries (2 cans if you’re making it for me because I’ll eat all of the cherries)

8 tbsp’s of butter or butter substitute if it makes you feel like you’re eating on the lighter side like me

Turn your crockpot on hot and empty out those cans of cherries, but be sure you shove a spoon into one of the cans to get some cherries because they’re delicious. Next, throw that cake mix all up in there on top and do not stir. Finally, throw your dollops of butter over the top and put your lid on it before you get tempted to try some more of the cherries.

Let this sit for three hours. Once your inner alarm goes off three hours later, don’t wait for it to cool; get some of that in a bowl STAT! If some of the cherries drip down your chin like molten lava, just remember how delicious and easy this recipe is. And it makes your house smell good.